I work as a nursing unit secretary in both the intensive care and the step-down cardiology units at the hospital. I think I’m more cynical than I used to be. It’s easy to become complacent, and even judgmental toward patients. During one of my shifts an obese patient requested donuts, cookies and pie. Even if we did stock those items in the cardiology unit, I would not have given them to him. After receiving chest compressions and a defibrillator treatment in CICU, a patient sat up and asked for a cigarette. One night we had a patient suffering from alcohol withdrawals and undergoing detoxification. He kept yelling at everyone to get out of his house, and I had to call security when he jumped out of bed and threatened the nurses. Two rooms over another patient was constantly yelling…all night. She would scream “I want to go to sleep!” and “I want my meds!” After the nurse gave her some, she screamed “That ain’t enough!” Do these patients realize why they were admitted in the first place? I would like to say to them, “You brought this on yourself. I have no sympathy.”

I answer the call bell when patients ring out. Patients push a button in their room which rings a box on my desk. I pick up the receiver and ask them what they need, then respond appropriately. It is often frustrating when the same few patients ring out constantly for seemingly trivial matters, monopolizing the time and attention of the RNs and CNAs. As often as I can, I try to help the patients myself rather than to call for the CNAs or nurses. I’ve noticed that the more I interact personally with the patients, the more compassionate and empathetic I feel toward them, and the more eager I am to help them. I understand how a nurse can develop a special bond with his/her patients. When the nurse takes on the responsibility of certain patients, he/she is accountable for them, takes ownership, and forms a connection with them. Read the rest of this entry »

Brent has done a wonderful and thorough job recounting my health problems this past year through his blog. However, I wanted to share my experience from my own perspective, so here it is.

In early June of last year my endocrinologist diagnosed me with diabetes insipidus, in which the body doesn’t hold onto water as it should. Later that month I saw my primary care doctor for a gash on my shin that wasn’t healing. After taking my blood sugar, doing some lab tests, and consulting with my endocrinologist, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I went through the entire gamete of keeping close track of what I ate, counting my carbs, recognizing the symptoms of hyper- and hypoglycemia, checking by glucose levels, and giving myself insulin shots.

This was not the end of it. I was experiencing an onslaught of symptoms: problems with cognitive function (thought process/memory/concentration), lethargy, fatigue, muscle weakness and atrophy, abdominal fat accumulation, mood swings, anxiety, dizziness, loss of balance and coordination, easy bruising, slow healing wounds, weight loss, and increased blood pressure. Finally a state of severe confusion and disorientation in mid-August prompted my doctor to call an ambulance to take me to the emergency room. Apparently my ACTH (adrenocorticotropic hormone) levels were excessively high, causing high levels of cortisol, a stress hormone. This resulted in a diagnosis of cushing’s syndrome. Read the rest of this entry »

I enjoy writing poetry and songs, and occasionally I compose something less serious. The following songs I posted to add some comic relief to my blog.

FROSTY THE HIT MAN
To the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”
April 1996

Frosty the hit man
Was the most feared of his day.
He was paid to kill,
And he did it well;
So his neighbors stayed away.

Frosty the hit man
Was as sly as he could be.
His recipients
Never had the chance
To discreetly hide or flee.

There must have been a gun within
That overcoat he wore.
For every time he reached inside
There were victims on the floor.

Oh, Frosty the hit man
Wasn’t asked out much, it’s true.
Cause when he went out
With the gang, no doubt
He’d come back with one or two.

His friends would cry, “Why don’t you try
To learn a different trade?”
But he’d remark, “I love my work,
And admit that I’m well paid.”

Bangity bang bang,
Bangity bang bang.
Look at Frosty work.
Bangity bang bang,
Bangity bang—
He was more than just a jerk!

SOAP GETS IN YOUR EYES
To the tune of “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”
Summer 1994

They asked me what was wrong
When I stopped my song.
Oh—singing in the shower
Gives you unknown power
In that relaxing hour.

I started out just fine;
Suddenly I’m blind.
Oh—so I rub my eyes.
Pain begins to rise—
Soap gets in my eyes!

So I fell, and then began to yell—
The pain was too much to bear.
Oh, that sting is worse than anything.
You wish you were not there.

Now, all my friends have said
That my eyes look red.
Oh—when your in the shower
Accidents may arise—
Soap gets in your eyes.

Soap gets in your eyes!

At the start of each year people talk about making “new year’s resolutions”; however it seems so obligatory and somewhat banal (as are many holidays and traditions, in my opinion). We should be consistently doing self-evaluations and bettering ourselves–all year long. Not only that, but I think we value and focus on the wrong things which don’t truly make our lives richer and more fulfilling. Writing is therapeutic for me, and I enjoy writing poetry occasionally. A few months ago I wrote the following poem about making resolutions:

To the New Year

We welcome in a brand new year; it’s time to change our ways.
“Out with the old; in with the new” spurs goals for coming days.
We hear the vows and pledges made, like “I’ll commit to be
More productive, end bad habits, be a better me.

I’ll be more patient, thinner, fitter, be a better friend.
I’ll have drive and discipline,” at least to the month’s end.
Striving to be better, seeking changes and solutions
Should be constant—not reserved for “new year’s resolutions.”

Cheers to our resiliency, to conquering our fear,
To challenges we faced and overcame throughout the year.
To living life with passion, I would like to make a toast.
Invest in the relationships with those who matter most.

Seek out rich experiences, and open up your mind.
Don’t count the days, but make them count; minutia left behind.
Engage in things which cultivate your curiosity.
Life’s not a destination, but a meaningful journey.

Until death comes appreciate the time you have before you.
Strive not to be successful, but rather be of value.
Live each day to the fullest, let enrichment be your cause.
Don’t be sad because it’s over; but smile because it was.

–January 3, 2013

Most of you who are reading this post probably know that I have had a difficult past several months due to serious health problems. Since July I have been diagnosed with diabetes insipidus, type 1 diabetes, cushings syndrome, severe osteoporosis, and neuroendocrine cancer (with known tumors on my liver, in my iliac bone, and in lymph nodes in my neck). Much of this is a result of excessive ACTH (adrenocorticotropic hormone) production and consequently excess cortisol (stress hormone) levels. I went to the emergency room due to extreme confusion and disorientation from my high cortisol levels. During my hospital stay I had a bilateral adrenalectomy to stop the cortisol production. While I was there as a patient I fell and fractured my neck, so I also had neck surgery. It has been a long, eventful, and stressful seven months.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude to all our friends and family who have shown their love, concern, support, encouragement, help, and generosity throughout all this. I greatly appreciate the many visits and hugs from friends, meals prepared, monetary donations, gifts, words of support and encouragement, and offers to help, especially with the girls.

One of our favorite places to hang out here in Saco is the local Starbucks. We have gotten to know most of the baristas there and made some good friends. I have recently become friends with Conor, one of the baristas. She collects sand dollars on various beaches, cleans them up, and creatively decorates them to sell. A couple months ago she gave me a sack full of them–all beautifully designed–that the girls and I could use to decorate or give to friends as gifts over the holidays. It was incredibly sweet. She texted me a few days ago to ask if I could meet her at Starbucks that afternoon.

When I walked in she treated me to my favorite drink (green tea latte). She then sat down with Brent and me to have our drinks and handed me an envelope. Inside was a card and some cash. Conor had collected, decorated, and sold as many sand dollars as she could with the help of her colleagues in order to raise money for us. Conor said that she had approached our friend Jill one day, and learned that she was distraught about my condition after visiting me in the hospital, and concerned for Brent and the immense burdens that he is carrying. When Jill expressed her desire to do something for us, Conor came up with her sand dollar idea.

The timing was opportune, as I have just lost my medical insurance after transitioning from short-term disability to long-term disability. The medical bills are continuing to pile up, and I am still not working. I was so incredibly touched by their thoughtfulness and generosity. Brent and I each gave Conor a big hug and thanks, but it seemed impossible to adequately express our feelings in words.

I appreciate the company and the hugs from the many concerned and well-meaning people who have visited me, and the many well wishes and encouraging words I’ve received through social media and phone calls. I am glad for the opportunities I’ve had to get out and meet with people, especially after feeling so isolated from the world. It it wonderful to have friends and family who reach out not only to see how I’m doing or if I need anything, but who have demonstrated their concern and support for Brent and the girls who I believe need it more than I do. Thank you, my amazing friends. :-)

Skye came home on Friday very upset about reactions she received from some of the staff members at her middle school regarding a t-shirt she’d been wearing which simply said “Wicked Pissah,” a common phrase in New England, which means really awesome or really crappy. Her teacher thought the word “pissah” might not be considered appropriate for school and sent her to the office. The lady in the office reprimanded Skye for wearing a shirt with this phrase, considering “piss” to be a “bad” word. She said it would be a distraction, as well as offensive to others. She ordered Skye to either turn her shirt inside-out, zip up her sweatshirt, or change to a shirt provided by the school. Skye was unable to work the zipper on her sweatshirt, so she turned her shirt inside out. The office administrator told Skye to come back afterward to make sure that she’d fixed it.

Skye later told me that Harry Styles, member of the English-Irish pop boy band One Direction, turned 19 that same day, February 1. Teenage fans at her school celebrated by drawing whiskers and black noses on their faces to represent Harry and his fondness for cats. I found it interesting that none of these kids were reprimanded or asked to remove their face paint, even though Skye mentioned how much of a distraction it was in her classes and that several of the teachers seemed annoyed by it. However, not one classmate complained about or was distracted by Skye’s shirt, nor did any teacher (except the one who sent her to the office) comment negatively about her shirt. One, in fact, thought it was quite humorous. Read the rest of this entry »

Brent learned that the Merrill Auditorium in Portland was hosting a “Sound of Music” sing-along on Friday night, February 1. He asked me if I would like to take the girls and surprised me with tickets to the event. It was so sweet and thoughtful of him. I love the opportunities I have to spend quality time with the girls, especially now as my health and length of life are deteriorating.

Jenna seemed to be the most excited, especially when she learned that the audience was encouraged to participate and dress up in costumes. She immediately performed a “Google Search” to look at pictures of the characters from the musical and put together an outfit that looked similar to that of the Von Trapp girls. She decided she would be Brigitta. She loves the story and knows many of the songs by heart. She listened to the soundtrack in preparation, knowing she would get to sing along to the songs during the movie. Hayley was excited as well and enthusiastically searched for an appropriate costume to wear to the event, also one of the Von Trapp children. Skye didn’t seem thrilled about it, partly because she knew she’d have to wake early the next morning for a ski trip with her class from school. However, she liked the idea of going out and spending time together. She had no desire to wear a costume, but she did change her clothes to look like a teenager going out for a night on the town. Read the rest of this entry »

PopTech is a great source for positive change and collaboration. It brings together a global community of innovators from many fields to share insights and work together to create lasting change. Brent has been volunteering for the audio visual crew at PopTech in Camden, Maine, for the past few years, helping presenters with their slides in the green room. I’ve always enjoyed watching the videos on the website and hearing about Brent’s interactions with the amazing speakers. I decided to volunteer this year. After I was registered, however, I ran into a plethora of medical problems which included hospitalization and rehabilitation. I told Mary, the event operations manager, that I was limited as to what I would be able to do. She expressed to me how much they love Brent there, and that he’s been so good to PopTech. She’d also read Brent’s blog about my medical condition and offered me the amazing opportunity to attend the PopTech 2012 conference this weekend. Executive Director and Chief Creative Officer of PopTech Andrew Zolli kicked off the conference with an inspiring talk about resilience and adaptation, the theme of PopTech this year. I thanked him afterward for allowing me this opportunity to attend. I will highlight the presenters which resonated the most with me. Read the rest of this entry »

I enjoy listening to Radiolab, a podcast about science, philosophy, and human experience. In the episode “Fetal Consequences” (which can also be read on the NPR blog), hosts Jad Abumrad and Robert Krulwich discuss how fetal cells remain in the mother for decades, possibly having effects on her body. Originially it seemed that that fetal cells were solely beneficial to the mother. The hosts shared a story about sheets of fetal cells turning into healthy liver cells and healing the mother’s damaged liver. It was later proposed that perhaps fetal cells might actually be harmful to the mother in some cases due to a variety of causal factors.

I found the study about fetal cells fascinating, but what I thought was especially significant was what Tufts University professor and scientist Kirby Johnson said regarding his personal stake in the work:

Of course I wanted to help out, but if I find out that’s not the case [that my fetal cells made no difference when my mother was ill], well, that’s the truth. And as a scientist, I want to find out the truth; whether or not the truth is wonderful or the truth is horrible…at least I know what the truth is, and both as a son and as a scientist, that would be of value to me.

This is true science. The scientific method can, and should, be applied to all aspects of life. Too often people stop asking the questions when they find the answers they are looking for. Any new evidence or ideas that challenge one’s beliefs, or cause discomfort or uncertainty are discounted or completely dismissed. As skeptics, scientists base their opinions on good evidence, and are not afraid to have that evidence challenged.

The strength of the scientific method is found in its ability to detect error as well as its ability to detect truth. It describes a way of obtaining knowledge that is based on observation, repetition, transparency and correction. It would behoove everyone–individually and as a society–to value and engage in scientific thinking: Deep curiosity about the world, rigorous and critical examination and testing, unbiased and objective scrutiny, and openness to new ideas and perspectives–regardless of the palatability of the outcome.

I made it! Today I graduate from the University of Southern Maine with a Bachelor of Science in nursing. It is time to begin vigorously studying for the NCLEX and to find a job. There are so many things that have interested me. Now that I have finished my clinicals I am most drawn toward mental health and neurology.

One of the biggest challenges with nursing is connecting everything together. It’s difficult not to get caught up in the minutiae and consequently missing out on the big picture or other significant details. Throughout nursing school we have been assured that with time and experience, we will move from being task-oriented and routine-focused to seeing everything as an interconnected, fluid process, and being able to anticipate and manage rapidly changing non-routine events. I feel that I’ve gained extensive knowledge and learned valuable skills throughout my lectures and labs. However, until interacting with actual patients in a real clinical environment, I could not fully understand, appreciate, and apply all those concepts. My clinicals significantly increased my understanding and have hopefully prepared me for the complexities of nursing practice. I have included some excerpts from my journals of my various clinicals throughout the nursing program:
Read the rest of this entry »